Saturday, October 20, 2007  | Story of a leg shaking freak!
Current mood:  anxious My dog is in heat. She has been bleed for about 8 days and now my cute little boy is finally trying to get on her, so I think she's ovulating. This sucks. I don't want them to breed because my princess needs a rest. You should try keeping two dogs away from each other when they are in heat. It's freaking insane. I'm on a constant vigil to make sure no sex happens, and believe me I'm not usually like this.
I still love my dog though. Kira (My Chinese Crested bitch in heat), is sitting on the heater right next to me just lying there. I reach over and pet her every once in a while and she looks at me with those cute little eyes. She really is my princess. I've been letting her hair grow out for winter. (It's cold without any hair out there!) So she looks a little scraggly.
Anyway beside all this, I've been mega depressed. This Thursday and Friday have been the closest I've ever been to actually doing the deed. I saw all these pills I take and thought those will make me fall asleep, those will give me seizures, and those will just fuck up my mind a little more. All together they should do the trick. I'm sitting here (now Kira is on my lap) and I can't get my leg to stop shaking. I think I'm done with the anti-depressants. It's time to get off them. They worked for a little while, now I need to go back to dealing with my problems and not avoiding them.
Deal or be dealt with…
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| Wednesday, October 17, 2007 | The Infamous Mr. Jonathon
Current mood:  cold "Am I suicidal or just hungry? American Idol, get the hell off the TV"
Once again listening to crazy music by my new crush (Ken you're still my 1!) I really wanted to write this blog to announce my use of another mind altering drug. Hopefully having two drugs will have a little more of an effect. We'll just have to waiting and see….
Since I am already typing I might as well write a little more. I have to work in the morning and I didn't watch a movie for class tomorrow. I guess there is still time tonight, but I really don't want to watch a movie right now. Hopefully I can get off early tomorrow.
I want a new job. I'm really getting sick of dealing with the stuff which goes on at work. People need to get a grip and listen to me. I'm always right. You would think they would realize it after I've worked there for 3 years, unfortunately they don't. Then our corporate office steps in and does even more stupid stuff. I don't know how this company survives anymore. Mormons need to stop shopping there, they are only making it so they have to pay more fast offering so people who work there can actually afford something to eat!
I got my iphone back. It had to get repaired. The box came back and it said after running a full diagnostic we determined you need a new phone. So why didn't they just send me a new phone and then they wouldn't have had to pay shipping a loaner phone to me and shipping my phone to them, then shipping the new phone to me and then the loaner phone back to them. Those overnight shipping fees have to add up. Again sometimes businesses just don't get it. I probably would have even driven down to salt lake at my expense to replace it at the apple store. Someday they might realize.
Someday… 8:36 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Tuesday, September 04, 2007 | Turning Down the Heat I've decided my activist days in Logan are going to be toned down. I am now passing the buck to others and hope they can keep things going. We'll see. You never know what will happen.
The End 12:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Saturday, September 01, 2007 | I don’t know why I fucking do these
Current mood:  happy Last night sucked. I can no longer deal with anything or anyone's problems, so sorry. 2:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Sunday, August 26, 2007 | Press Release on the latest world events
Current mood:  bitchy I'm officially giving no comment on all the latest events. I've reasoned this is the sanest and more reasonable stance which leads to a better relationship with all.
Again, I cannot confirm nor deny anything having to do with the latest events in the world. 12:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Sunday, August 19, 2007 | a little tidbit.
Current mood: Ready There is but one place
to live
There is but one being
to love
There is but two lives
to honor
There is but none poems
to write 9:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Monday, August 13, 2007 | the unreliable reliabitlity of me!
Current mood: Dreamy Yet again I feel it is time for another blog. I recently happened to be in the fabulous Las Vegas and although their motto is "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I'm going to break that eternal code of sinful indulgence and tell you a little of what happened in Vegas. So hear goes (hopefully lightening from the Vegas gods does not strike me!) I saw a couple slot machines like everywhere I looked and some gaming tables and guess what. I did not spend one cent on any of them. As I was leaving I had a couple dollars in cash so I thought (to myself of course) why don't I just throw a couple dollars into a machine for the heck of it. Then I exalted to another level of thinking and realized if I didn't spend anything on gambling in Vegas I could come back here and write a blog on this thus I controlled my evil feelings of wasting money on gambling and was able to buy myself lunch at work today with the three dollars I saved!! It was fairly exciting and somewhat life changing.
Now on to my important ramblings I know everyone (like 3 people) expect me to make. While I was in Vegas (can you tell that I traveled to Vegas? I've typed that 8 times already. I'm going to copy it so from henceforth I will just be pasting the word randomly so you don't forget about my one great vacation this summer) my aunt and I had some very good conversations about life, love, happiness, and family. I feel really good about it. But I refined my ideas about the purpose of life. I usually asked people what the purpose and/or meaning of life is (if I haven't asked you let me know and I will. And I want a serious answer), but I have never been asked that and given a real answer so now I have one. If you would like to discuss this matter further by all means let's get into a conversation about it, but of some reason I think it is a sacred part of myself and a little to meaningful to type about in a blog. I don't feel I could fully explain it without spoken word.
Thus I will end and finish my short ramblings (don't get used to this shortness of a blog) and say adieu. With love and kindness
Jonathon 9:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Wednesday, July 18, 2007 | Ramblings of an old man
Current mood:  indifferent one to confide in
one to trust
one who doesn't judge
one who brings comfort when in pain
one who is that true friend
this is you
this is you
sitting here with a dog on my stomach
watching waiting for attention
content with a small touch
she finds enjoyment is the simplest things
I take and take from her
a little pat for a lifetime of love
a companion loyal forever
what do i give?
I sit here wondering what I am doing. Wasting time, being bored. Sometimes it's just hard wanting to do something productive and I guess that's ok, but do I do it too often? I don't know. I guess we'll see someday.
I think someday I might fulfill my grand plans, but right now it doesn't seem so. I think I am meant to struggle continually. I realize I do work best those situations. Ones which are very difficult to resolve or have to be done quickly.
Speaking of quickly I don't think I'm going to do this blog quickly. Let it take time. I still have 2 hours to waste. Can you imagine a 2 hour blog? Would you continue reading it? Does anyone read these anyway? I'll just let you know right now. this is a long one so you can quit right now if you don't find it interesting.
Thinking about letting you know. I've come to the conclusion my feelings were hurt today. A small little thing that really didn't matter and I find the child in me hurt. My idea of self perfection jumping back into play. finding inner self thinking I failed again and thus deserve to be hated.
Hatred. I used to have a lot of hatred in my. For myself, my father, my Mother, my God, my Savior, my friends, my enemies, my tormentor, my identity. Now I don't think I do some much. Every once in a while i find wisps of hate quietly blowing into this thing that is me. Usually I catch these small tendrils and transform them into the true feelings they are, yet this weekend I found myself feeding this gentle breeze into a mighty wind, not yet a storm, but we could soon be there. I'm not quite sure if I want to diffuse it all yet. I find the hurts of my past jumping back into the present.
Back to the present. A lot of my concrete beliefs were destroyed lately. I'm not sure yet whether by my misperception of people's actions or by their will to try and cause those perceptions to be thrust upon me. That sounded like I was trying to blame other, yet I'm not. I just can't find any other way to put it. This makes sense to me, sorry if you cannot interpret it. Hopefully the near future will bring clarification to this dilemma. I really don't want these core beliefs to be destroyed. They have been my rock for so long.
I really want some rocks to put in my flower gardens. They are all so flat and need shape and texture to them. Depth it what it need. a 3-D effect which cannot be obtained through flowers, plants, and dirt alone. I would really love to have a fountain and pond also. I had one of these at my mother's house. Even though it was a lot of work and I complained, I loved it. There is nothing better than to play with nature. to control a little part of water, throw some plants and fish in and watch the world change it to a dark pit of disgusting muck, only to start it all other again when you so chose to.
I find choice fascinating. Sometimes it seems as if the choices we make are scripted and we really don't have free agency to really chose what we want, but I truly think we do. Maybe not everything thing at once, but through tons of small limited choices we make the big choices be chosen.
I want to end this blog big, but I don't think that's fitting. Big endings often hurt. So I will try to keep it simple and true to life. With words from me and words from another. I will see you all later. keep in touch. I find feelings within myself I never knew I could have just by thinking of you.
the pen, the mighty pen
writes and writes
endless things.
Nothing seems to be changing
Nothing is happening
The Sword seems...
faster...
Definite results
The smell of a candle
freshly blown out
the light of the clock
shines on my skin
like a sickly green moonlight
on a pale white day's decay
I try to wipe you from my memory
but your face won't fade away
another boy kissed me today
I laughed in his mouth
it's not funny that I'm not kissing you
I'm not laughing because we fell through
it's the stories they told us when we were younger about life and love
how our happiness lies in the hands of another
who'd fly in on the wings of a dove
well that's the way the fairy tale goes
boy meets girl and they wed with roses
but that's not the way it seems to be
and I'm pissed that they lied to me
cuz boy meets boy and boy runs away
or girl meets girl and she's afraid to stay
we end up home alone watching court tv
not living ever after happily
you're right
you are prince charming
onto the next princess when he's bored with the last
he's the hero of every story
he's got his chapter in every girl's book
he walks away with all the honor and glory
but I wonder what else he took
goodbye, prince charming
and drown sleeping beauty
shove Cinderella's slipper where the sun don't shine
toss the little mermaid back out to sea
cuz the fairy godmother had to perform another abortion today
and the seven dwarves live in the forest, of course, cuz they were driven away
but this part of the story could spark a cultural rage
so at the sound of the tone we just turn the page
well that's the way the fairy tale goes
boy meets girl and they wed with roses
but that's not the way it seems to be
and I'm pissed that they lied to me
cuz boy meets boy and boy runs away
or girl meets girl and she's afraid to stay
we end up home alone watching court tv
not living ever after happily
starting today
we'll tell the story my way
the king of imperfection
takes back the prince of mistake
--Jay Brannan 4:43 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Wednesday, March 21, 2007 | Another thought for another day
Current mood:  jealous A mindless game of endless frustration
A jealous fad of ne'er ending proportion
A stupid choice of lasting monotony
A peaceful walk cut short with thought
A silly game forever playing
A tiny memory perpetually existing
A trivial task continually working
A lazy day stopped with worry
This is it
This is all
This is me
That is all I have to say today. I hope it's worth it. 3:22 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
| Wednesday, February 21, 2007 | My big question
Current mood:  weird All I have to ask is WHY? 5:09 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | |
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