A funny thing happened on the way to the forum

So I was trying to go to sleep last night on the couch, because the sheets were in the dryer and I didn't want to wait for them to get done, and, of course the tv was on. What happened by a breaking news interruption in the programming to announce President Hinckley died. My heart dropped. President Hinckley just had a way of cheering anyone up. It's the end of another era for Utah. I wonder what's next...
I have another announcement to make also. One of my puppies is going on a mission! The couple who owns her now is going on another mission and their mission president said they could take her along! I think they are going to Texas, but it might have been Alabama or somewhere in the deep south. How funny is that. This dog (Princess Poochie, I didn't give the name!) is spoiled. She gets an eggs every morning for breakfast!

Back on Track

So now I'm getting back to life. I was so frustrated yesterday and all last week. I called in sick to work on Saturday. It was that bad. Now I'm getting back into my groove. Getting things done. I only mad one not so good decision in this last episode of self indulgence. I kind of regret it but not enough to cancel my order so I'm really excited. I've decided I will have a new job by mid-April. I don't care what it takes, I can't handle being at my current place of work anymore. So Anyone know of any good jobs?

it's almost another day I have to work again and deal with people who don't understand what they are doing it frustrates me so bad if only if only that's it

A constant waiting

Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly waiting. Right now I'm waiting to go to school. After that I will be waiting for dinner. After that I'll be waiting for bed. Is it normal to feel like I'm constantly waiting? Well I don't really care if it's normal, I just don't think I like it. I haven't thought about it enough to really decide if I like it or not, but it seems to me at first glance one shouldn't be waiting for the next thing, but be living in the present. Can't I enjoy just sitting here and not get anxious over getting on with the next phase of my day? I guess I do that sometimes, but no lately. I need to relax and breath....

My blogspot start

So this is mainly for Katrina, but all my previous blogs have been on myspace and for a wider audience to publish to I've decided to open it to all. There are only a couple rules. Everyone has to be honest and there is no hateful speech. I know everyone has a 1st Amendment right to say as they please, but I'm under the assumption this is intellectually private property, therefore I can set restrictions on what people say!
This isn't my first use of blogspot. I have posted many comments and posts on a private blog for a course in school once. It was all about the Chinese Government and Chinese politics. I don't remember everything I wrote though, I was a little more conservative then, but I wasn't one to "be afraid" of the up and coming Chinese. I know there is still a lot of doom (I can't believe how long it took me to figure out how to spell that word!) and gloom about the Chinese taking on the US as the next superpower of the world. Maybe they will and maybe they won't, but does it really matter. If something happens and war breaks out, the US has always had a way of eventually winning wars and staying somewhat wealthy. We are the most resourceful when under pressure of being defeated and losing our precious "unalienable" rights given us by Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence and by their word "God." Now if we really have those and believe others do is a discussion for another day. This is the end of my lecture for today.

all my old blogs

Saturday, October 20, 2007 Story of a leg shaking freak! Current mood: anxious My dog is in heat. She has been bleed for about 8 days and now my cute little boy is finally trying to get on her, so I think she's ovulating. This sucks. I don't want them to breed because my princess needs a rest. You should try keeping two dogs away from each other when they are in heat. It's freaking insane. I'm on a constant vigil to make sure no sex happens, and believe me I'm not usually like this. I still love my dog though. Kira (My Chinese Crested bitch in heat), is sitting on the heater right next to me just lying there. I reach over and pet her every once in a while and she looks at me with those cute little eyes. She really is my princess. I've been letting her hair grow out for winter. (It's cold without any hair out there!) So she looks a little scraggly. Anyway beside all this, I've been mega depressed. This Thursday and Friday have been the closest I've ever been to actually doing the deed. I saw all these pills I take and thought those will make me fall asleep, those will give me seizures, and those will just fuck up my mind a little more. All together they should do the trick. I'm sitting here (now Kira is on my lap) and I can't get my leg to stop shaking. I think I'm done with the anti-depressants. It's time to get off them. They worked for a little while, now I need to go back to dealing with my problems and not avoiding them. Deal or be dealt with…

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 The Infamous Mr. Jonathon Current mood: cold "Am I suicidal or just hungry? American Idol, get the hell off the TV" Once again listening to crazy music by my new crush (Ken you're still my 1!) I really wanted to write this blog to announce my use of another mind altering drug. Hopefully having two drugs will have a little more of an effect. We'll just have to waiting and see…. Since I am already typing I might as well write a little more. I have to work in the morning and I didn't watch a movie for class tomorrow. I guess there is still time tonight, but I really don't want to watch a movie right now. Hopefully I can get off early tomorrow. I want a new job. I'm really getting sick of dealing with the stuff which goes on at work. People need to get a grip and listen to me. I'm always right. You would think they would realize it after I've worked there for 3 years, unfortunately they don't. Then our corporate office steps in and does even more stupid stuff. I don't know how this company survives anymore. Mormons need to stop shopping there, they are only making it so they have to pay more fast offering so people who work there can actually afford something to eat! I got my iphone back. It had to get repaired. The box came back and it said after running a full diagnostic we determined you need a new phone. So why didn't they just send me a new phone and then they wouldn't have had to pay shipping a loaner phone to me and shipping my phone to them, then shipping the new phone to me and then the loaner phone back to them. Those overnight shipping fees have to add up. Again sometimes businesses just don't get it. I probably would have even driven down to salt lake at my expense to replace it at the apple store. Someday they might realize. Someday… 8:36 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tuesday, September 04, 2007 Turning Down the Heat I've decided my activist days in Logan are going to be toned down. I am now passing the buck to others and hope they can keep things going. We'll see. You never know what will happen. The End 12:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Saturday, September 01, 2007 I don’t know why I fucking do these Current mood: happy Last night sucked. I can no longer deal with anything or anyone's problems, so sorry. 2:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, August 26, 2007 Press Release on the latest world events Current mood: bitchy I'm officially giving no comment on all the latest events. I've reasoned this is the sanest and more reasonable stance which leads to a better relationship with all. Again, I cannot confirm nor deny anything having to do with the latest events in the world. 12:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, August 19, 2007 a little tidbit. Current mood: Ready There is but one place to live There is but one being to love There is but two lives to honor There is but none poems to write 9:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, August 13, 2007 the unreliable reliabitlity of me! Current mood: Dreamy Yet again I feel it is time for another blog. I recently happened to be in the fabulous Las Vegas and although their motto is "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I'm going to break that eternal code of sinful indulgence and tell you a little of what happened in Vegas. So hear goes (hopefully lightening from the Vegas gods does not strike me!) I saw a couple slot machines like everywhere I looked and some gaming tables and guess what. I did not spend one cent on any of them. As I was leaving I had a couple dollars in cash so I thought (to myself of course) why don't I just throw a couple dollars into a machine for the heck of it. Then I exalted to another level of thinking and realized if I didn't spend anything on gambling in Vegas I could come back here and write a blog on this thus I controlled my evil feelings of wasting money on gambling and was able to buy myself lunch at work today with the three dollars I saved!! It was fairly exciting and somewhat life changing. Now on to my important ramblings I know everyone (like 3 people) expect me to make. While I was in Vegas (can you tell that I traveled to Vegas? I've typed that 8 times already. I'm going to copy it so from henceforth I will just be pasting the word randomly so you don't forget about my one great vacation this summer) my aunt and I had some very good conversations about life, love, happiness, and family. I feel really good about it. But I refined my ideas about the purpose of life. I usually asked people what the purpose and/or meaning of life is (if I haven't asked you let me know and I will. And I want a serious answer), but I have never been asked that and given a real answer so now I have one. If you would like to discuss this matter further by all means let's get into a conversation about it, but of some reason I think it is a sacred part of myself and a little to meaningful to type about in a blog. I don't feel I could fully explain it without spoken word. Thus I will end and finish my short ramblings (don't get used to this shortness of a blog) and say adieu. With love and kindness Jonathon 9:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 Ramblings of an old man Current mood: indifferent one to confide in one to trust one who doesn't judge one who brings comfort when in pain one who is that true friend this is you this is you sitting here with a dog on my stomach watching waiting for attention content with a small touch she finds enjoyment is the simplest things I take and take from her a little pat for a lifetime of love a companion loyal forever what do i give? I sit here wondering what I am doing. Wasting time, being bored. Sometimes it's just hard wanting to do something productive and I guess that's ok, but do I do it too often? I don't know. I guess we'll see someday. I think someday I might fulfill my grand plans, but right now it doesn't seem so. I think I am meant to struggle continually. I realize I do work best those situations. Ones which are very difficult to resolve or have to be done quickly. Speaking of quickly I don't think I'm going to do this blog quickly. Let it take time. I still have 2 hours to waste. Can you imagine a 2 hour blog? Would you continue reading it? Does anyone read these anyway? I'll just let you know right now. this is a long one so you can quit right now if you don't find it interesting. Thinking about letting you know. I've come to the conclusion my feelings were hurt today. A small little thing that really didn't matter and I find the child in me hurt. My idea of self perfection jumping back into play. finding inner self thinking I failed again and thus deserve to be hated. Hatred. I used to have a lot of hatred in my. For myself, my father, my Mother, my God, my Savior, my friends, my enemies, my tormentor, my identity. Now I don't think I do some much. Every once in a while i find wisps of hate quietly blowing into this thing that is me. Usually I catch these small tendrils and transform them into the true feelings they are, yet this weekend I found myself feeding this gentle breeze into a mighty wind, not yet a storm, but we could soon be there. I'm not quite sure if I want to diffuse it all yet. I find the hurts of my past jumping back into the present. Back to the present. A lot of my concrete beliefs were destroyed lately. I'm not sure yet whether by my misperception of people's actions or by their will to try and cause those perceptions to be thrust upon me. That sounded like I was trying to blame other, yet I'm not. I just can't find any other way to put it. This makes sense to me, sorry if you cannot interpret it. Hopefully the near future will bring clarification to this dilemma. I really don't want these core beliefs to be destroyed. They have been my rock for so long. I really want some rocks to put in my flower gardens. They are all so flat and need shape and texture to them. Depth it what it need. a 3-D effect which cannot be obtained through flowers, plants, and dirt alone. I would really love to have a fountain and pond also. I had one of these at my mother's house. Even though it was a lot of work and I complained, I loved it. There is nothing better than to play with nature. to control a little part of water, throw some plants and fish in and watch the world change it to a dark pit of disgusting muck, only to start it all other again when you so chose to. I find choice fascinating. Sometimes it seems as if the choices we make are scripted and we really don't have free agency to really chose what we want, but I truly think we do. Maybe not everything thing at once, but through tons of small limited choices we make the big choices be chosen. I want to end this blog big, but I don't think that's fitting. Big endings often hurt. So I will try to keep it simple and true to life. With words from me and words from another. I will see you all later. keep in touch. I find feelings within myself I never knew I could have just by thinking of you. the pen, the mighty pen writes and writes endless things. Nothing seems to be changing Nothing is happening The Sword seems... faster... Definite results The smell of a candle freshly blown out the light of the clock shines on my skin like a sickly green moonlight on a pale white day's decay I try to wipe you from my memory but your face won't fade away another boy kissed me today I laughed in his mouth it's not funny that I'm not kissing you I'm not laughing because we fell through it's the stories they told us when we were younger about life and love how our happiness lies in the hands of another who'd fly in on the wings of a dove well that's the way the fairy tale goes boy meets girl and they wed with roses but that's not the way it seems to be and I'm pissed that they lied to me cuz boy meets boy and boy runs away or girl meets girl and she's afraid to stay we end up home alone watching court tv not living ever after happily you're right you are prince charming onto the next princess when he's bored with the last he's the hero of every story he's got his chapter in every girl's book he walks away with all the honor and glory but I wonder what else he took goodbye, prince charming and drown sleeping beauty shove Cinderella's slipper where the sun don't shine toss the little mermaid back out to sea cuz the fairy godmother had to perform another abortion today and the seven dwarves live in the forest, of course, cuz they were driven away but this part of the story could spark a cultural rage so at the sound of the tone we just turn the page well that's the way the fairy tale goes boy meets girl and they wed with roses but that's not the way it seems to be and I'm pissed that they lied to me cuz boy meets boy and boy runs away or girl meets girl and she's afraid to stay we end up home alone watching court tv not living ever after happily starting today we'll tell the story my way the king of imperfection takes back the prince of mistake --Jay Brannan 4:43 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 Another thought for another day Current mood: jealous A mindless game of endless frustration A jealous fad of ne'er ending proportion A stupid choice of lasting monotony A peaceful walk cut short with thought A silly game forever playing A tiny memory perpetually existing A trivial task continually working A lazy day stopped with worry This is it This is all This is me That is all I have to say today. I hope it's worth it. 3:22 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 My big question Current mood: weird All I have to ask is WHY? 5:09 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove