Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I hate Christmas. I really do. After my mother died in 2004 everything changed. All traditions had to be recreated. The fist Christmas actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. All my family was there together. It was after that it got harder. Family life got more complicated. We sold the house I grew up in and I could no longer spend Christmas with all of my family. I always feel alone on Christmas. Divided and alone. Now I'll be literally alone as the person I want to spend Christmas with no longer wants to be with me as a family. I used to always dream of Christmas with my spouse and children. This dream seems impossible now. Maybe things will change but I thinknit will take a very special person to change my view on this. I think it takes a very special person to put up with me. Someday maybe but probably not. I wish I was ok with just me but I never seem to be.

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